Noah Stokes

Front End Developer and Other Crap

I am the best choice for all your front end development needs. Why? Let me tell you, one word.

Ajax, motherfuton

That's right, I'll Ajax the crap out of your site. Nothing, and I mean nothing will be static. I'll pull your data asynchronously from every orifice of your server. Your clients will be SOOOOO impressed.

What's more, I'll use jQuery to do it all!!!! Imagine the look on your shareholders faces when they view source and see that your site is calling jquery-min-1.3.js?!?! Oh, BTW, using jQuery costs extra ok, that magic dust don't come cheap.

Does your new social site need my help?! Are you ready to take down Facebook?! That crap sucks, and your stuff RULES. Well, it will once you hire me to work on it!!!!!! I'll totally do crap to rip off Sims and that Virb stuff and make yours the NEW HoTNESS. The motherfuton SUN will be jealous of the heat I add to your site.

Look, Social Feeds, Widgets, Data Portability, MASH-UPS!!! I do them all, and better than ANYONE else. Ever.

I almost forgot, this page is full on IE6 compatible. I'm not a lazy ass, I make my work viewable in all browsers. Kaaa-chow.

I also do Twitter backgrounds

Yo yo yo. mic check, 1,2,3. This ain't no seaworld, this as real as it gets. Check out the tools that I'll use to get your new bling bling on the interwebz.
  1. HTML - Don't just think your kids neighbors cousin can do this, cuz they CAN"T
  2. CSS - View the source on this site to see my MAD USE of CSS
  3. Javascript YO.
  4. PHP - Check it, this is some serious server side stuff. Ok, they mix this in the back alleys and try to sell it to your junior higher, but I'm all over it. Don't sweat it, N-Dizzle's got it under control
  5. Expression Engine - If I really told you about how this worked, you'd crap your pants and your tiny mind would explode. Poof.
  6. CodeIgniter - Two letters for you: M to the V to the, crap, 3 letters, C.

You can follow me on Twitter, which I had the original idea for, but I had to relinquish it b/c I lost a bet to Biz over who was hotter. That's neither here nor there tho...

OMG, I've worked on so many projects, that I can't even list them all. If I did, and you got caught reading them at work, you'd get fired b/c you'd have wasted like 30 million years of your life reading about all the HAWT stuff I've worked on. So freaking crazy.

Nah, I don't wanna play it like that!!! Here is some stuff I've done.

But SRSLY, don't even just think you can look at then and walk away. Just get our your checkbooks now, and start writing, cuz what you're about to see is gonna make you wanna spend your MAD CASH on my MAD SKILLZ

I've done other work, but listing it here is a bit gratuitious


Es Bueno is a culmination of links to things like tutorials for how to do ANYthing in Photoshop, a crazy running list of random HTML tags that you SHOULD be using, but aren't, a list of 10 of the hottest jQuery plugin's EVAR that will make your site going NUTS, and also a bitchin way to game the system and get like a million DIGGs to your new site.

I used to charge for access to my blog. But now it's free, because I've realized what the world needs now is not love and peace and other boring turds, but raw unauthorized lists of things that YOU need to do to improve your SEO, PageRank and weiner size.

Look, I'm not cheap. YOu get what you pay for, feel me?. When you try to hire me, it's gonna be about $15/hour. This ain't In-N-Out ok, I make some serious bank, and charge you an arm, leg and your first born. Why? Because i CAN.

I had to shut down the Guestbook, peeps were putting links to who-who's and ta-tas. Jesus knows who put those there, punk.